My mother is very pregnant. She eats a lot of peanuts on english muffins that have been coated with strawberry jam, and all sorts of pepper. There is black pepper on everything she eats and piles of tiny red peppers in the refrigerator. The baby kicks whenever she is not eating and apparently my mother has had bruises, presumably from tiny fetus ( Read more... )

In a fit of hormonal rage my mother has somehow thrown my father from the house and is currently wreaking havoc on my grandfather's heart. The more sane (somehow) of my parents has been calling me every hour, on the hour since about mid-afternoon today, whining demanding I return home long enough to play the good son, and find a way to let him back ( Read more... )